Mixed Emotions

Wow... with everyone going back to school and each and every person in my life going a million zillion miles an hour... just wow... that I have time to sit, and think, and enjoy what is left of this summer...

I say I have mixed emotions about this weekend. I say "mixed" because I don't know what other words describe it. I say this in the hopes of something pops out of the screen and hits me like a freight train... I know My God is big enough for this weekend! If I know that, then why should I have mixed emotions about this weekend???? My Savior, My GOD, MY REDEEMER, MY BEST FRIEND, MY ONE AND ONLY WAY OF SALVATION! CHRIST JESUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This weekend is going to rock everyone's socks off! We've built it up and up and all we can do is pray that God takes over this weekend, that He just simply shows off like only He can...

Dear God,
I just want to thank you. Thank you for loving me... thank you for dying for me! Thank you for loving me enough to send your son for me... I could never be more in debt for the price that was paid just for me to be saved... Jesus, you are my best friend, I pray that this weekend, I can show you off .... I want to be able to lift you up like I have never done before... This weekend is different than Ignite... I was hesitant, I was holding back, I was the road block and yet, YOU still moved, You moved me, the kids, the leaders, everyone involved, God, you are truly amazing and wonderful and awestruck and Jehovah... my Jesus, you... you love me... that love that no one else can take away from me, that hope that is within me, no one can take that away from me, there is something about the way I'm thinking, the way I'm praying God that You are setting something up... you are preparing a way for me this weekend... God I feel your presence, I know you are with me... my mixed emotions are gone... I'm full force, ready for this weekend... all because of YOU, all because you are my force, my refuge, my redeemer, my Christ... I love you Jesus, I trust you...
In your precious, sweet, love-filled name,
Amen
I just pray that you open my heart this weekend,

I'm not the driver here... promise!

You would think I would blog more often... but I haven't... sorry blog readers! haha (all 4 of you...)

So, I'm playing golf tomorrow!!! My first time ever playing golf (a whole 18 holes and everything!) Should be in for an interesting, funny time!!!

Everybody, and I mean EVERYBODY!!!, is back in school, except for me :( I don't go back for another 2 weeks!!!! I'm still hangin out with friends, but not as much as before school :(

--Side note--
Final Desination- not scary at all! Just weird and creepy!!!!!!!!!!!1

This song has been the story of this summer, or more precisely, the past 2 weeks::
I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Takeing every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait

I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord

Waiting... patiently... this is sooooooooooo hard!!! There are so many things going on in my life, so many new people, new experiences, new life changes... My God is so much biggger than all my worries, my doubts... He knows exactly what I need, where I am going, and every single little detail in my life... EVERY SINGLE DETAIL!!!!!! Then what's there to worry about? Nothing!!!
Ah... what a sigh of relief, to type that, and think on that for a moment... every detail is figured out by an all-knowing God!!! Anything from eating, talking, dating...

I guess this is what has gotten me thinking... I feel like I'm in the dark. I know God is there, carrying me through this time in my life... I just can't see where I'm going... and it shouldn't matter, I know God has a plan and a purpose for my life, so the future, or even the immediate future shouldn't matter, I just want to see something, I want to see where I am going.. it's like in a car, if I'm in the back seat, I have to see where we're going, or I get to feeling funny- kinda car sick, kinda not. But I know that I know that I know that my God is bigger than this doubt, bigger than my worries... He is carrying me through this, and it doesn't matter what, who, where, how, anything goes...

Dear God,
I pray that you open my heart. Open my heart to understanding, to knowing what You want for me. I pray that you take my worries away. Take my insignificant thoughts about being in the dark away. God, You are sooo much bigger than any problem I face, any issue I come across. So many times I fall short. I fall on my face everytime I try on my own. I thank you for picking me up, brushing me off, and putting me back on track. You are awesome! I love you Jesus!!! I trust you Jesus!!

In Your precious, sweet saving son's name I pray,
Amen

Holy Flippin Cow!

It has been a month since my last blog!???!?!?!?!!

WOW So much has gone on, so little time! Who am I kidding, I have another month before school starts back :)

God has really worn me out... He is wearing me down so much that all I can do is look to Him... I try and I try and I try again and again. I get no where. I go to anybody and everybody, anyone that has two ears to hear, I try to get their help... I don't want to accept the fact that they can't help me... I'm dying... not a physical death, (not that I know of anyway) My spirit... I am so worn out from life, just thinking about this situation, or that situation, or what is going to happen if I do this, or date her, or hang out with them, or party here, or work there... there are soooo many options and soooo many doors and traps in life that I can't handle them all...

A good way to handle this way of thinking::

1.) Deep breath.
2.) Relax. God is in control.
3.) Duh! Jesus!??!? He is flippin sweet!
4.) Fall in love with Jesus and you're good to go...
5.) Jesus takes care of everything after step 4...

I know there are tons and tons of scripture that point to what to do in situations where you are feeling disappointed, or down... for instance, 2 Chronicles 20:15-- Do not be afraid or disappointed, for the battle is not yours, but God's. or what about Jerimiah 29:11 -- for I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper and not to harm, a hope and a future.

These are great... but the verse that sticks out in my head right now is the one that I have written on a rubber band around my wrist... Luke 14:27-- Anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple...

What cross do I have to bear? Sin? I love sin, I'm human, we all do, honestly, the conviction of that love for sin, that's a big cross, a very deep thought, so it's not that bad unless you really think about it... my cross is that daily fight to do what I know is right... the thing that my Savior would say 'well done, my good and faithful servant!" I fail miserable at that, every single day... but by the grace of God, I am forgiven of my short comings and He embraces me with His love... I want to be His disciple, I want to be His child, I want Jesus to be my BFF I want to fall so in love with Jesus that this world can't even think about touching me...

What will it cost me? what will this devotion to Jesus cost? Will it cost me my friends, family, job, education??? What am I willing to give for the cause of the cross? what am I willing to do??? Jesus DIED for me, and what do I do? How can I NOT want to be like Him, serve Him, love Him???

Dear God,
I pray tonight that you open my heart, open my heart to Your will. Open my eyes to the doors before me. Open the doors you want open. Move me, Lord, move me!!! I feel as if a mountain is in the way, and I am stuck in the valley. I know you are with me, and will never forsake me, so I do not fear. I pray that you blow me away with the view at the top of this valley. This valley has many holes and traps, and many "quick routes" to the top. God, you are my only way, You are the reason I want to reach the top. I want to go where you lead me. Lord, lead me... mold me... I pray tonight that You continue to pore Your grace and mercy upon me, that You continue to lead me through this valley, this narrow road through the valley. I pray that I fall more and more in love with my savior, I pray that no matter what this world throws at me, that I do not veer off the track laid before me. I pray dear Jesus that you take me by the hand and show me the way to go.

In your Name, Amen.

God likes showing off... even in softball

I need to get to the computer more often! I haven't blogged in almost a week!

So much has been going on, so much great a glorious things that my God is showing off with...

Anything and everything, God has completely taken over my life, and I love it!

For example, last night... I was playing some church league softball...
It was a close game... really close... We were winning in the bottom of the 5th 12-6... We made some costly errors in the field, and the score quickly became 12-11, we're still winning... Well, the next batter hits a gapper, the guy from first is going around 3rd and scores, the guy who hit the ball was coming into 3rd. The umpire in the field was covering 2nd, and the home plate umpire was covering home (nobody saw 3rd) I was playing 3rd and got the ball, placed in front of the bag, waited on the slide... TAGGED HIM! BEFORE HE EVER TOUCHED THE BAG! I'm thinking "He's out, we got him, let's go hit!" The umpire in the field had his back to the play, and couldn't overrule the man behind the plate... That umpire came over and yelled "Safe! Around the tag"

I was livid!!! I said "there's no way??? I had the glove waiting on him, the ball even beat him here?!?!"

"No, no. He slid around the base, and then you tagged him."

I would have been fine with a missed call, because the runner was out. But I cannot get over the fact that he LIED about it!! He was behind home plate and makes that call, ridiculous!
The other team ended up scoring 3 more runs, and we were trailing 12-14...

After the inning, I went directly to the umpire in the field and apologized. I felt terrible for calling him out when he couldn't do anything about it. He knew my dad and said "I've chewed your dad out plenty of games, I understand. don't worry about it." Then I went to the umpire behind the plate and apologized to him, I told him " I'm sorry for over reacting, we're human and we all make mistakes, i apologize" he said "it's OK, i saw the play, he was in there, and then you tagged him." i asked him one last time, "after this question, I'm dropping it, 'where were you when you made that call?'" he replied "from me to that pole" (about 35-40 feet) i said "OK, thanks Andy" Being an umpire myself, i knew he hadn't seen that play from 40 feet off... but I dropped it, and continued to play, God gave me the ability to swallow my pride, anger, and attitude to apologize to the umpires... even though I still believe I was right, and they were wrong, they were in charge, and I questioned it...

We ended up losing 18-15 (on some very close fair/foul calls too I might add)

But we still ended up with 3rd place for the season, which ain't too shabby :) We start the post-season tournament this weekend, and we're hoping to have better luck, and bring home the big trophy!

Ignite '09

I'm finally getting time to write about Ignite!!! WOW! Words cannot express how amazing this weekend was! It was truly a humbling experience to say the least...

First off, I was just going to go. I had no idea what I was getting myself into... I did not know if I was going as a youth or a chaperone. I quickly found out on that Friday afternoon, I was a chaperone. Before I could go on the trip, I had to finish my Stats exam (which I made a 90 on :) ) then I hurried home to pack and off to the church. I was at the church waiting on the bus at 2... we didn't have to be there til 3... I was getting very excited about the weekend!

Around 3 o'clock, everybody starts arriving and loading the bus... I was put in charge of taking roll... oh the joys of trying to spell people's names. I think we ended up with 33 on the bus, and 38 for the weekend.

Well, once we finally got down there... (2 hours plus on a tour bus) we unpacked and some team building activities. (pass the lepracaun shoes :)) It was so much fun!

We finally began our 1st session (of 4) We had one brave young lady raise her hand in the back and become saved that first night! It was awesome! God was just beginning to show off! That first night, I, along with some of the other chaperones, got lights out at 12, then bandaided the little rascals in. It was a very interesting night (only 2 busted bandaids) The busted bandaids weren't kids sneaking out, just opening the doors at the sounds outside (supposedly)

We continued to have 3 more sessions (all on Saturday) and the food was great there! Surprisingly!

During that first session, Scott began to talk about 1 Peter 3:15 "be able to give an account of the hope that is in you" and if you don't have a testimony, tonights the night for it... that one girl raised her hand... it was simply amazing! She was one of the ones I had been praying for on this trip, along with countless others... words cannot exress how amazing this weekend was... for that one girl and for the 4 others that turned their lives over to Christ!!!

I have been trying to write this blog for about two hours now... and this is all I've gotten... I keep getting distracted... If I think of more to say about the weekend, i'll blog it later :/

13 Rules to follow when your life hits rock bottom...

Rule 1: Jesus.
Rule 2: There is more to life than just here and now. This world is fading away, along with everything it craves. But if you do the will of God, you will live forever. 1 John 2:17
Rule 3: It's not about me. Everything got started in Him and finds its purpose in him. Colossians 1:16
Rule 4: I am not an accident. I am your Creator, You wer in my care even before you were born. Isaiah 44:2
Rule 5: I'm as close to God as I choose to be. Draw close to God, and God will draw close to you. James 4:8
Rule 6: Life is a test and a trust. Unless you are faithful in the small matters, you won't be faithful in larger ones. Luke 16:10
Rule 7: Living on purpose is the path to peace. You, Lord, give perfect peace to those who keep their purpose firm and put their trust in You. Isaiah 26:3
Rule 8: The heart of worship is surrender. Surrender your whole being to Him to be used for righteous purposes. Romans 6:13
Rule 9: I was planned for God's pleasure. The Lord takes pleasure in his people. Psalm 149:4
Rule 10: God wants to be my best friend. Friendship with God is reserved for those who reverence Him. Psalm 26:14
Rule 11: God smiles when I trust him completely. The Lord is pleased with those who worship Him and trust His love. Psalm 147:11
Rule 12: This world is not my home. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is ETERNAL. 2 Corinthians 4:18
Rule 13: It's all about Him. For everything comes from God alone. Everything lives by his power, and everything is for His glory. Romans 11:36

Just another Sunday... Hold my heart

Happy Father's Day first off... a great day to be a DAD! (not that I am one or anything...)

But just to type about nonsense this morning...

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awehfljasdnvlkjzcxbnlvkjzsbhd
lgvuashdgluahsgliuawheg

Just kidding, the real reason for blogging. There's a lot going on in my life that I have no control over. So much, that I try to grab everything and run like a wild fire. I'm tired of running... I'm tired of holding on... I'm tired of trying to control my life... I'm tired of the mediocrity of my life...

I've had a radio/clock in my room, next to my bed, for who knows how long... and this morning, I decided to turn on the radio while I was getting ready for Sunday School. God just loves to show off I believe because after a long long long night of a heavy heart, God let me listen to this song by Tenth Avenue North entitled " Hold My Heart"... I would put the entire song on here, but I'll just put the chorus and a verse:

**************************************************************
So many questions without answers, Your promises remain
I can't see but I'll take my chances to hear You call my name
To hear You call my name

One tear in the driving rain,
One voice in a sea of pain
Could the maker of the stars
Hear the sound of my breaking heart?
One life, that's all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You're everything You say You are
Won't You come close and hold my heart.

Hold my heart, could you hold my heart?
Hold my heart.
****************************************************

And that is exactly what MY GOD did... He held my heart, He opened me up enough so He could come live in me and be glorified today... He helped me hold back the tears, hold off the bad attitude, hold off biting somebody's head, holding off the world... just so I could get back up on my feet one more time... My God is so good, that in the mist of all this turmoil and trouble and pain, He is there... holding my heart, He is picking up all the pieces, He is putting me back together for His purpose and not my own.

Dear God,
I just simply want to thank you! Thank you for saving me from this world. You say in 1 John that the things of this world will not last, but the things not of this world, will last forever. You last forever, I last forver in you Oh God! I pray that you take my heart into Your will. Do your will through me, whatever it takes. Whatever it takes.
~A